I just finished reading "Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting" by Jon and Myla Kabat-zinn. I have to say it is the best parenting book that I have ever read! It took me forever to finish because I took so many notes. (I checked it out from the library or else I would have just highlighted pretty much every other sentence.)
So if you are new to the phrase "mindfulness", like I was before reading the book, let me explain. Mindfulness is all about living in the present moment. Not in a "live for fun, don't worry about the consequences" kind of a way. It's about learning to control your mind and your thoughts to focus on what is real and what is in front of you, rather than letting your mind wander, while your body runs on auto-pilot.
This is really a challenge for me. When I was young, I lived through my imagination. I was always somewhere else in my head. I was very much the day dreamer. As an adult, my mind is usually on what needs to be done or how I want things to be versus how they actually are. For example, I might be doing an activity with Buddy, but instead of enjoying it fully, I'll be thinking of how nice it will be when I can get myself together and plan activities according to a weekly theme...you get the idea.
The way they suggest to practice controlling your mind is through meditation. I know some of you are thinking...aren't you a Christian? Isn't meditation a practice of Buddhism? I was a little skeptical at first until I truly understood what meditation is.
To quote the book...
Meditation is..."the tapping into the order and stillness embedded in and behind all activity, however chaotic it may appear, using our faculty of attention."
Meditation is not..."an inward manipulation - like throwing a switch or merely relaxing - into some 'special state' in which everything feels different or better, or in which your mind goes 'blank', or you suppress your thoughts."
"Meditation is a systematic and sustained observing of the whole field of our experience, or some specific element of it. It is simply about cultivating the capacity we all have as human beings for awareness, clarity, and compassion."
I feel like the practice of meditation and mindfulness can very much go hand in hand with following Christ. The Bible tells us to...
"Take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5
"Do not worry about tomorrow..." Matthew 6:34
"The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray." 1 Peter 4:7 (emphasis mine)
So while the book is written from a Buddhist perspective, it is full of insightful wisdom for anyone wishing to better themselves as a parent. Here are a few of my favorite quotes from the book.
"If we can let go of our idea in such a moment of how things "should be", and embrace how the actually are, with this child; in other words, if we can remember that we are the adult and that we can look inside ourselves at that very moment and find a way to act with some degree of wisdom and compassion, and in the best interest of our child, then our emotional state and our choices of what to do will be very different, as will be the unfolding and resolution of that moment into the next."
"You work where you work, you live where you live, your responsibilities and your responsibilities, your children are your children, your hopes are your hopes, your fears are your fears."
"Discovering what our children need involves being sensitive to them, not imposing our will, picking up on their cues and responding intuitively and creatively in each moment."
"For isn't the present actually the future? Isn't today yesterday's future? Here it is already. We have it now, right here."
"When sitting, just sit. When eating, just eat. When walking, just walk. When talking, just talk. When listening, just listen. When looking, just look. When touching, just touch. When thinking, just think. When playing, just play. And enjoy the feeling of each moment and each day."
(That last one is especially hard for a multi-tasker like myself. )
So that's just a glimpse of the wisdom found in this great book. I highly recommend that every parent read it. Now the more difficult task of actually putting it into practice. All in good time my friend, all in good time.
Always,
Amanda
