Please check your baby at the door...

Because my husband and I are on staff at our church, we are usually very busy during the Sunday morning worship service. We have started attending the Sunday evening service of a very large and popular church in our area, so we can just relax and enjoy the worship and teaching. This church has put a lot of money and effort into creating a phenomenal nursery and children's ministry, and they very strongly encourage parents to take advantage of it. I say it this way, because it is very obvious that they do not want parent's to bring their young children into the main service. There is reserved seating on the back rows for parents with children, and if an usher spots a small child, they bring over a goody bag with snacks, crayons and stickers, and ask the parents if they have checked out their nursery and children's ministry. If you choose to remain in service, the usher hovers close by, so that if your child makes a noise, they can ask you to step out into the lobby.

I know they have the best of intentions, but as a mom of young children, this repeated scenario stresses me out! My 2 1/2 year old absolutely LOVES "adult" worship, and very much wants to experience that with us. As far as my 9 month old goes, I'd rather just keep him with me. (I've never been one to leave my babies in a nursery.) I'm not an oblivious parent. If my kids are disruptive, I will leave. But at this church, I feel like I am doing something wrong by bringing the kids in the service with me. A few weeks ago, Little Man made a sound...not fussing, not crying, just a baby sound....and an usher immediately asked me to step out into the lobby. This was during announcements. Announcements! Not preaching, not baptism, not communion, just announcements. I did not want to go back after that. Much too stressful.

Now my home church is not as "strict" as this, nor are most churches that I have been to. But, I can't really say that I have ever been to a church that wanted kids in the service.

It's a pretty hot topic to debate for some. Check out this blog post from a guy whose pastor stopped his sermon to call out a lady whose child was being disruptive.

Welcome To Sandals Church...Please Shut That Kid Up

There are about 100+ comments from people with all kinds of opinions. My favorite commenter was Shaun Groves, a Christian musician. He wrote...

There are reasons we're together in a place called "church" as the community called "Church" that go well beyond the production and preaching. Children, the handicapped, the elderly, the simple, the fat, the tone deaf - they all either detract from someone else's experience of certain aspects of the church (show) OR can't fully participate, understand or appreciate it.

But we aren’t together in authentic community only to fully understand, participate and appreciate the teaching and other performances on a Sunday morning. We have value beyond these abilities. Children, for example, are living metaphors of acceptable religion, examples of the attitudes and values our spirits must take on in order to be followers of Christ.

AND a church that doesn’t allow interruptions, noise, mistakes, distractions, is not – I think, having not been to yours – a “real” place at all. Life is filled with all these things. And I fear that my having to pay tribute to and listen to God in a perfect vacuum poorly prepares me to continue listening to and paying tribute to God in my noisy and less-than-perfect real life outside the sanctuary/gymnasium.

it seems to me that one of the compliments I hear paid most often to Sandals is that it upsets the staid Christian full of Pharisaical expectations and that it is a place of acceptance for the outsider, the spiritual seeker, the bruised, wary and worldly. It seems – again, I haven’t been there myself – like a contradiction then to require the gym to be a distraction free, kid free, squirm free, noise free environment, mimicking the most traditional cathedrals you guys – I’d think – want to be the opposite of in many ways.

I know what it’s like to prepare a sermon/performance and have it not be the center of attention. That hurts my ego. A sure sign that I’m prideful. And anger is a confirmation of that. At least in my life.

I love how he puts it.

There are arguments for both sides. I would love to see a church service designed for families to worship and learn together. It must have been like this in the days of the early church when they met outside and in people's homes. Remember when the disciples rebuked the children for coming to Jesus, but Jesus said to not only let them come, but that the Kingdom of heaven belonged to them. (Check out Matthew 19: 13-15.)

I guess it is pretty obvious which side of the fence I am on. Here are a couple of thoughts that I would like to explore.

• Is separation of adults and children more of an American thing or is it the case worldwide? I ask this because it seems like America has a very "drop the kids off" kind of mentality. Daycare, babysitter, camp, sports, lessons, etc. So why not drop them off at church too. Our church hosted a Brazilian Church Conference a few weeks ago and their kids were in the service and acted like kids, but no one on stage missed a beat. Having the kids in the service seemed very natural.
• Can the church service be more relaxed so that parents can tend to their children without feeling awkward? I was recently at a La Leche League Parenting Conference and children were welcomed to attend. The parents with young children brought little tote bags with quiet toys and would sit in the back on the floor and their kids would quietly play or run around. It wasn't disruptive or disrespectful to the speaker. And if a child "got away" from the parent and came close to the front, the speaker didn't ignore it like it wasn't happening, nor did they act irritated. Instead, they greeted the child warmly or made a small joke. Everyone was just really relaxed about it. Last year, my husband and I attended a Youth Pastors Conference and they were very family friendly. It was a huge conference, and in the main session, there were families "picnicking" on the floor all around the back of the room. And they even had a huge room off the balcony with floor to ceiling windows looking out over the stage, that was set up with tons of toys and coloring activities. It was a place for parents to take their kids and remain with them rather than drop them off. It was awesome!
• Aren't children missing out on their own Biblical training if they are part of the "boring" adult service? My thought toward this is that it is not the church's responsibility to train the children. It is the parent's responsibility. See my earlier post about this. 
• Can children and adults "get something" out of the same church service? Somehow Disney manages to captivate both children and adults with their movies. Take "Toy Story" for example. I love that movie just as much as my two year old. How is that possible?

Those are just some random thoughts I have on the subject, and I certainly don't have all the answers. I realize my viewpoint may change as my children grow older. But right now, I want my kids to come to church with me and I don't want to feel ostracized because of it. 

I would LOVE to know your thoughts on this subject.


Always, 

Amanda